Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
