If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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