i think i have two assholes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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