There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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