4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
