Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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