here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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