I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
