yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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