If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
