I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize