I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
