She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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