: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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