I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
