Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
