Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
