Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize