I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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