just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I supernannyed him into submission
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
