I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
