if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Come see our sink grown plant.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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