She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
