someone threw a dead crab at me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
