You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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