I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize