allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
