Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
