It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
