Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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