why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
