Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
