The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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