oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
