WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
