You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
