I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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