I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
