I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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