I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
