Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So vagazzling was a success
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
