I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
