i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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