Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize