if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
