So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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