Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize