Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
