So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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