No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
