I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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