I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
