My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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