I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
