never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
