I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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