Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
