but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I am mentally ready for anal.
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