I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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