We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
