Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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