i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
