i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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