I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
