I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
