My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
