I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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