Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
