Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Drunk is a universal language darling
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
