Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
