In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
