im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
