and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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